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Forever Will Remain
He is already torn. His once-strong frame bends in sorrow as he listens to the absurdly-calm voice of the droid who hovers before him. And he hears the words, "She is dying," and can only bend further. He begs to be broken but he knows that sadness will not defeat him though he longs to lose to it. He will only be reshaped by it, made hunched and burdened. Its weight will mark him for all eternity.
For he will always be forced to be the strength amidst weakness. As now, as he walks to her side, holds her hands, and gives her the will that he needs for himself, that he cannot truly spare. He allows her to believe that he is strong enough to stand by her, though he has already fallen. He feels betrayed. He feel he has betrayed her. He fails her as the Force failed him. She will not be saved and even if she were to allow herself to live, he has not the power to revive her. His brother, the Betrayer, the Dark, drains him even now. He sees his brother's face, wreathed in fire, and loses another piece of himself. His brother steals his will when he needs it for her. Even in death, his brother wounds her by stealing his, the fortress', strength.
When the medical droid hands him the first child, he prays that its tiny life will fortify her. But she can only smile, a smile which is more a sob than a look of joy, and give it a name, a last parting gift. The short, musical sylabbles are a farewell and he nearly crumbles as he takes the child away to prepare for the next. He smoothes away the heated moisture from her brow and tries to give her comfort in the simple caress. But her head tosses from side to side; her mouth opens in a tortured cry, and her eyes squeeze shut so tightly that there is no room for tears to escape.
He prays again, this time for her pain to ease, and is answered as the second child is handed into his arms. He shuts himself off from the Force, for through it he can feel her fading and because of its responsiblity, his world has shattered. She smiles, a weak smile, a powerful smile, and gives this child its name, its parting gift. And as she smiles, he tries to find the Force again. But this time, it is the power which shuts him out. His face falls. His resolve to keep his strength for her cracks. He looks lost as she struggles to live for a few more moments. She, the fighter, is failing in the sight of death. And he, the Knight, fails as she fails.
And she speaks; words about his brother. She professes his brother's goodness and he suddenly knows that his brother still lives. He will never be allowed peace. He will never be allowed a moment to truly grieve. There will always be a battle looming in the visible distance. And she will always need to be avenged. For now, she breathes her last. Her eyes close, forever, and it is in this moment that the Force returns to him.
He feels her leave him, in body and spirit. She no longer needs his strength, so he stops giving it, and falls. He places the baby next to the other and knows that he must care for them. He can do nothing more for her save this. And vengeance.
He knows he must not hate, but for a moment that burns red hot, he wishes only death for his brother. It was his brother she loved, his brother who took her life. And he wants nothing more than to destroy what is left of his brother's life.
But he has not the fortitude for such hate. He remembers his sorrow and trembles as he goes to her. He gathers her body into his arms and cradles her. He rests his forehead against hers. He loved her strength, her courage, her bravery. He loved her. He loves her.
His is a love borne from protection, a love formed by caring. A quiet love. A pure love. A true love.
And now it is too late as her body is light in his arms. Her body is the heaviest thing he has ever held. Regret fills him. He is left empty. He had so much that had to be said. There was nothing that could have been said in words. She is the most beautiful thing he has ever laid eyes on. Her death is the ugliest occurrence in the galaxy. He wants to hold her forever. He wishes he could let her go.
His is a paradoxical love.
He longs to solve the paradoxes with her, to find answers in her quiet power. But he can do nothing but hold her, and regret.
Duty and responsiblity fade to nothing as sadness becomes his being.
And with the woman he loves laying dead in his arms, Obi-Wan Kenobi weeps.
The End
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